Go To Bed, an original poem by me (“The Mother”)

Cake... or is it?It was time for Liam to go to bed

“Off You Go” his mother said

The boy he was a sneaky liar

He had no plans to retire

 

“I’m going!” he said with a shifty grin

And headed for the fridge wherein

He surveyed the contents looking suspicious

Hoping to find something delicious.

 

Lucky was he, for inside he found

A fat dark cake of chocolate round

His eyes shot sideways, that little Liam

Was sure to check no-one could see him

 

When the coast was clear he reached inside

And lifted the cake with a dreamy sigh

His tongue shot forth to give a lickers

Before dropping the cake into his knickers

 

He headed stealthily for the door

A sagging pud inside his drawers

His thighs now squelched with thick black muck

He clenched his buttocks with a tight little suck

 

At first what seemed like a good idea

Now filled Liam with dread and fear

Upstairs he headed one step then two

Chocolate melting like sloppy goo

 

Thick brown soup in his underwear

Could only look like diahorrea

Down his legs and on the stair

Just as his brother drew up near

 

He yelled out loud with his ugly face

“You shat yourself, you bloody disgrace!”

“Oh No” cried Liam, letting his knickers drop

“It’s cake” he said and they watched it plop

 

The brother he blinked and stared in fright

Then yelped “Why Liam, You little tike!”

He grabbed a handful big as he could

And filled his mouth with thick pooey pud

 

Next morning mother collecting washing

Was not surprised when she saw sloshing

A pair of undies stained with skids

She yelled and cursed “those bloody kids! “

 

“When will they learn? Why can they not?

To put their poos into the pot?

And wipe their bum, oh too absurd!

They LIKE their undies laced with turd!”

 

– Nadine Millar with inspiration and hilarity from Mark Pearce, The Beast Teacher.

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